Many of our wedding practices stem from an era when the majority of marriages were that of young people leaving home, getting married and setting up home together. Often these events were largely a gift to the couple from the parents of the bride. There has been a bit of a shift in when people get married and I wonder if we should be rethinking ‘how we do weddings’ a little. The style we tend to stick to – being walked up the isle, often expensive attire, attendants, a reception, often a dinner paid for by the couple with a bar tab; guests bringing presents – to me, no longer fits where most couples are coming from.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with this style of ceremony which is commonly used. Every wedding I have had the privilege of commemorating in this fashion, has been really special and meaningful. The important thing is that you get what you want on your special day. I have totally loved bringing these ceremonies together and each has been unique.
However, today, most of the couples I have married have been together for at least a couple of years. Generally they are already living together and their home is set up. Sometimes it is a second marriage for one or both parties and several times, they have children together already and/or are blending families.
Why not do something that reflects your style…have a celebration that is comfortable for you and your friends and just slip a short ceremony into it to cover the legal requirements – you need a licence; vows need to be exchanged; two witnesses need to sign the paperwork, along with the bride & groom and the celebrant.
Think about how you like to celebrate other occasions. Could you simply expand on that?
Stipulating no gifts but asking guests to pay for a meal is perfectly acceptable – some would prefer this than trying to work out what to buy you when your home is already set up.
Picnic, Pot luck or BBQ are lovely, less formal ,ways to gather people together.
A simple afternoon tea rather than a lunch or dinner can work really well.
Theme Weddings can create a really memorable occasion.
Friends and family may have talents, ideas, skills, etc that could be tapped into.
Buy clothes that are really nice, reflect the theme or your style, but that you would wear again to another themed event or simply out to something special.
Perhaps just have two witnesses who come up to sign the paperwork, rather than having a full bridal party standing up the front.
Any of the above could be incorporated into the more traditional wedding if that is what you want for your special day. However, although the ceremony itself is very important, it is a very small part of a much bigger celebration. You could come up with an event that is much more focused on a gathering of friends and family with the necessary elements and with less cost – so you can put more into your home, holiday, or just living.
A suggestion: book a camping ground and invite guests, giving them the cost of accommodation and meals. Guests have the option to be there for the whole weekend, just the Saturday lunch, or any combination they chose, at their cost. Have a little bit of a programme which includes mixing together, maybe some family activities in the morning with a set lunch at say 12noon which will commence with a short ceremony. Couple disappears about 11am to get into their chosen attire (guests may also take time to ‘get dressed’ to suit the occasion). They enter for lunch, celebrant greets them and conducts short ceremony, paperwork gets signed and lunch continues. More activities in the afternoon. An evening celebration that reflects the couples style. Brunch on Sunday with all who are still there.
A favourite wedding I attended: This was a small wedding with about thirty guests. The couple had a theme and they and their attendants dressed accordingly (simply dressup costumes, about $50ish each) and several of the guest also. The bridal party met with their celebrant in a public domain with guests gathered around. The ceremony took place and then we all went back to their place for a barbeque. Fabulous.
Enjoy creating one memorable occassion – make it your own. 
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Life events are worth celebrating
